Australian Rules Football.
Take a field and place four goalposts each end, two long ones in the centre and two shorter ones outside as the players who throw or kick the ball can be somewhat challenged when it comes to accuracy and to save their egos get a lesser score for a near miss.
There are 18 players on the field and to qualify you must have a name like Jacko or Gazza, Geoffrey and Jonathan are simply not acceptable.
It helps to have a questionable IQ and lack of sporting ethics, the ability to puff out ones chest and confront an opponent who most likely will be doing the same thing, despite looking like two roosters with excess testosterone this appears to be quite acceptable behavior although it is somewhat questionable as to why it is done.
The ball is an oval shape and is quite unpredictable when it hits the ground, if it lands amongst a group many hands will make a grab for it and some players will resort to what is called å£®quirrelling in an attempt to get the player holding the ball to release it, this is an illegal move and can be quite painful for the recipient but the spectators expect it. (Squirreling: Running the hand up the players leg and grabbing food for hibernation)
To bolster egos the teams have names, not simply a town or city name but must have following that represents a fierce or cunning animal, bird or fish, dogs, dingoes, wolves, sharks, hawks are acceptable, goldfish, lovebirds, kittens are not.
The whistle blows and the ball is bounced in the centre and both teams will grope for it like horny inexperienced schoolboys on a first date, one will get it and make a brief run before kicking it to another team member, if it is caught the game stops as this is called a mark and allows the player to kick the ball without interference, if close enough this could score a goal, if not played well it can just miss and still get a minor score, this avoids depression amongst players later as they are quite sensitive and cannot cope with failure.
Another team may get the ball and the charade continues in the opposite direction.
These episodes run for 27 to 33 minutes then a rest period is allowed so the grounds can profit from the sales of tepid pies and bad beer.
There are four of these sessions during the game and all manner of fighting can break out amongst the spectators who have over indulged in the bad beer, this spectacle can be more entertaining than the game itself.
At the end the team with the highest score are declared winners and progress to a series of finals whereby the whole charade is repeated with another team.
This goes on for about six months then the TV stations spend weeks with post mortems as to why one lost when they should have won, the poor sods who do not like this game still suffer when they thought it was all over.
When it finally does subside we then get subjected to cricket but that is another story.