Workplace training

The gods are making noises about specialised training for management and wanted a proposal for a title, I suggested special high intensity training, they accepted it.
Thank Christ I’m on leave for just over a month after today when it hits the fan.

Perfect. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Of course, you’ll have to run a course for those who wish to attend the course…

COURSEMANSHIP FOR BEGINNERS

Staff Development Section is presently conducting a series of Basic Management courses. During these courses, it has become apparent that for a variety of reasons, some staff are not able to gain the full benefits of the course.
In some cases, it is many years since participants last attended a course, and their skills require refreshment. In other cases, participants are not sure what to expect from the course, and are therefore not fully receptive.
This course aims to prepare officers who propose to attend courses, either on an intermittent or regular basis, and will provide a good foundation for those who wish to become full-time course goers. The course will be of three days duration, and will cover the following topics:
• Horses for courses – selecting the best course for you.
• Success through suction – the importance of selecting the right partner in team exercises.
• Note taking – how to attend to your private correspondence while appearing attentive.
• Creative latecoming – 1001 excuses for a long lunch.
• An introduction to MEGO* techniques – how to appear to be awake.
• Examination technique – a guide to non-examinable courses.

*My Eyes Glaze Over

Officers who are interested in attending this course should, in the first instance, approach their unit head, who will make arrangements with the staff development officer.

From the 2Y2K years (year I am that old)

*This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as “Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS).
Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate’s office and was not surprised to find that she had her nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, “I’m a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.” I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS.

This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS.

As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, “Here, stick this in MYASS.” It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, “Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.”*

https://www.astro.umd.edu/~avondale/extra/Humor/ComputerHumor/MYASS.html

Very good.
Quite topical at the moment with the fish kill in the Darling River, many years ago I developed a computer model to examine the effects of off-river storages on flows in the Barwon & Darling Rivers. Looking for a catchy name, I came up with LIBiDO (Licence Investigation - Barwon Darling Operations). I expected it to be canned at the first gate, but it got through, mainly, I suspect, because none of the knobs knew what a libido was, never having had one or encountered someone else’s.

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